!!!!

Sweet mother of the lord, am I mad. SO FUCKING PISSED OFF I COULD KILL SOMEBODY, I SWEAR. My hands shake so hard I can barely write. Frickin unbelievable. I mean, what the fuck is going on with men??!!! And why today?!! Today, when I had to go to work after sleeping like four hours, my stress level so high I could probably be added to the Guinness Book. Today, when I finally turned in my methods essay after working on the damn thing for DAYS, feeling as usual that it's not good enough.

Anyways, let's start with the essay. The bloody thing had me feeling like crap since last week, when I began working on it. I mean, I knew it would be tough to include eight weeks of classes into ten pages, using double space, but I had no idea it would be THAT hard. I mean, if there is one thing I don't dislike doing, are essays. It beats doing an examen any day. Anyhoo, I have to admit I didn't take it that seriously until Monday. Since there was no school, I went to Puebla to spend the weekend, and I planned to advance a bit on the silly thing. But of course, as always, things didn't work out as planned and I ended up doing nothing. So, obviously, when Tuesday rolled around and I realized I only had three areas out of eight covered, I started to panic. Just a little bit. That night I stayed up until three am, and I only got to finish part four. Wednesday of course, I was freaking out, and I spent all day, from nine am I went over to the Ministry, to two pm that I got back home, working on it. Then from four that afternoon, to around eleven, when I took a food break. By that time, I had succesfully broken my stress level record, since I still had a looong way to go and the damn thing was due the next day.

I committed myself to writing until two thirty, moment during which I fell asleep on Super Boy's bed (since by twelve only he and I were awake), and was unaware of the world until eight am today. Fortunately (and I thank my lucky stars), and don't even ask me how, I finished the ten pages, with ninety nine end notes (yes NINETY NINE). It wasn't the best essay ever, but I think I did a pretty damn good job. Anyways, by the time my four o'clock class rolled around and I had to hand in the paper, I was really nervous once more. I mean, not only is my professor a living legend at the IR department (people say he's incredibly strict and really biased when it comes to grading), but I had a lot of expectations to fullfill. Guess who took that class a year ago, and was accused of plagiarism by that same professor. Super Boy's ex, of course. Because I mean, God wouldn't have as much fun if things like these didn't happen to me. So you can understand I have personal stakes in this class. I just HAVE to do a good job, just so I can prove to everyone ONCE AND FOR ALL that yes, I actually do have a brain, and that she's not all that. So all that mixed up together caused me a great deal of distress, added to the fact that I'm a regularly anxious person, and I was a wreck.

When class was over, I assisted this AMAZING conference given by a former ambassador about life as a diplomat, and that really made my day. I practically skipped back home, ready to talk to anyone who would listen about all the things he said. But then I received a call from Captain Awesome, asking if he could come over so I could explain some stuff. I said sure, and ten minutes later he was at my door. We were sitting at the kitchen table, talking and laughing (err..I mean studying), and for those of you who have never been to my house, turns out Super Boy's room is like two steps away from the table. He never left the room, since he was supposedly studying for an exam he has on Saturday, but I didn't really think at all about him. I mean, HE broke up with ME, he's got no reason to act jealous, right? Or at least, that's what I thought. Anyway, I don't know if it was just the fact that I've slept like four hours in the last two days or that he really was acting irritating, the thing is I got really fed up by Captain Awesome. He whined so much, got me to explain almost EVERYTHING twice because the moron couldn't understand a word I was saying, and then I practically had to drag him from my couch to get to class.

By that point, I was really pissed at the world, and all I wanted was for class to be over. Normally, since both my class and Super Boy's end at the same time, we walk back home together, and so once I walked out of the room I knew he would be waiting outside. And indeed, he was waiting for me. But once I kissed him on the cheek and leaned in to give him a hug (like ALWAYS), he pushed me away. Like, literally, pushed me away. Simply, rudely, astonishingly, pushed me away. And simply said 'oh I'm exhausted.' And I was like WTF??!!! I mean, did I miss the point when I did something to piss you off?? HELLO!!! I of course gave him my best 'bite me' look, and he tried to lean in and hug me, trying to apologize, but he caught me in one of the worst moments. Really, his bipolar self couldn't have shown it's ugly head at a worst time. So, of course this time I pushed him away, and he simply raised an eyebrow and said 'fine. are you waiting for someone or can we go now?' (since I had turned back to say good bye to captain awesome). That attitude pissed me off even more. I simply shook my head and started walking, and it was probably the longest ten minute walk of my life. Neither one of us spoke, and I could feel my blood boiling. Literally, boiling.

Yeah, I know, maybe it's stupid to get mad over something like that, but understand, this really isn't a good day, and the fact that I suspect he was that pissed because Captain Awesome came over, makes me even madder. SO DON'T GET MAD AT ME FOR BEING SO DRAMATIC. I just had to write about it, right now, otherwise my head would probably explode. Oh, and I'm so sorry for the awful grammar, I'm just in no conditions to write coherently right now. My brain shut off as soon as I hit print this afternoon. Peace out, y'all.

Now I understand what Summer from The OC means when she says she's got rage blackouts. I swear I was inches close to one moments ago.