Sunday, April 25, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
made my day
Ok so I just had to share this will you all. It's a letter from this woman to the Regional Manager of Procter & Gamble. It's almost as if I wrote it!!!! Hope you gals have a laugh.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
AHORA ENTIENDES NEPO??????
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
AHORA ENTIENDES NEPO??????
Saturday, April 17, 2010
JUST LIVE!
Get dirty. Get fucking filthy. Get poor. Get off your ass. Get desperate. Get dangerous. Get vilified. Get vile. Get romantic. Get fucked. Get moving. Get productive. Get pro-active. Get started. Get your own life. Get doing something. Anything.
Because before you know it you're 40 with kids, a mortgage, and responsabilites that cause your fun to come second.
So before cancer, before children, before 50 hour work week, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you loose your sense of humor...
Fight.
Fight and fuck and run and smile. Smile because the older you get, the less you will.
So yes, quit being such a goddamn pussy because bitching and whining and worrying never made anything better.
Because before you know it you're 40 with kids, a mortgage, and responsabilites that cause your fun to come second.
So before cancer, before children, before 50 hour work week, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you loose your sense of humor...
Fight.
Fight and fuck and run and smile. Smile because the older you get, the less you will.
So yes, quit being such a goddamn pussy because bitching and whining and worrying never made anything better.
GO LIVE BITCHES.
i think i've grown
Been there, done that. Does that make me mature? Or just plain stupid for letting myself feel that way? Either way, I'm glad I've put it behind me. A new chapter is coming up ahead, I can feel it.
NINE PAINFUL THINGS
o1. Bringing back the feeling you learned to forget.
o2. Reminiscing the good times.
o3. Trying to hide what you really feel.
o4. Loving someone who loves another (or himself).
o5. Having a committment with someone that you know wouldn't last.
o6. Shielding you heart to love somebody.
o7. Loving the person too much.
o8. Right love at the wrong moment.
o9. Taking risk to fall in love again.
Currently working on number nine. I'll keep you updated with the results.
NINE PAINFUL THINGS
o1. Bringing back the feeling you learned to forget.
o2. Reminiscing the good times.
o3. Trying to hide what you really feel.
o4. Loving someone who loves another (or himself).
o5. Having a committment with someone that you know wouldn't last.
o6. Shielding you heart to love somebody.
o7. Loving the person too much.
o8. Right love at the wrong moment.
o9. Taking risk to fall in love again.
Currently working on number nine. I'll keep you updated with the results.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
funny thoughts
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
HAHAHAHA. MADE MY DAY. NOW I JUST NEED TO FIND MYSELF SOMEONE WITH SEXY PARTS....THEY SEEM SO FRICKIN SCARCE THESE DAYS!
It's been ages since I've been on date, and I'm beginning to feel sort of like Ugly Betty...So if anyone knows someone I might like, by all means speak up. I'm bored of being single. xD
HAHAHAHA. MADE MY DAY. NOW I JUST NEED TO FIND MYSELF SOMEONE WITH SEXY PARTS....THEY SEEM SO FRICKIN SCARCE THESE DAYS!
It's been ages since I've been on date, and I'm beginning to feel sort of like Ugly Betty...So if anyone knows someone I might like, by all means speak up. I'm bored of being single. xD
