bad day

I was sitting in my office, staring sullenly at my computer screen, with 20 unread emails and a dozen “to do’s” marked urgent. Around me, people were chatting amiably, going about their daily tasks with a smile on their face and even a couple of jokes to toss around. As I looked in disbelief, people were actually enjoying their work, even if it meant calling some snobby receptionist to get an appointment or answering dozens of complain mails. I, on the other hand, procrastinated for at least half an hour before finally (begrudgingly) getting to the task at hand. The shiny new Blackberry in my purse provides much yearned-for distractions that relieve, at least partly, the boredom that invades me practically the six hours I sit in my desk. On certain days, my inner Grinch comes out way more often than usual, every little thing bothers me beyond belief, and I simply count the minutes till I can get the hell out of here. That’s when I think to myself ‘am I the one who’s wrong? Is it just me that has really bad office days, seeing as how everyone else seems to be thoroughly enjoying what they do?’ Lately I’ve tried to excuse my behavior by saying that my job isn’t right for me, that it’s completely different from what I plan to do with my life and that, unlike the rest of my coworkers, I don’t have one creative fiber in my body, so I usually feel out-of-place and strange.

But the reality is, they are nothing more than lame excuses for not doing what I’m supposed to do, regardless of whether I like it or not. They are paying me (and a lot more than many interns I know) and I have to suck it up and be a man. Or woman. Until I land a job that’s more career-oriented, that I can actually enjoy, I face the same old boring job day after day. And then, I start wondering, is my attitude solely because what I do has become tedious due to the fact that it has nothing to do with what I’m studying, or am I simply one of those mediocre people that are never happy, no matter what job they get, and thus use it as an excuse to do nothing? If I do get the job I am pursuing (cross your fingers and toes for me, people!) will I step up and give my 100% every single day, will I actually enjoy what I’m doing after the thrill of the unknown wears off? Is it possible to ever really enjoy a job, knowing you will be doing the same crap every single day, sitting at the same office, with the same people, with no other rest than the crappy two-day weekend that goes by in a flash? I used to think that once you found your passion, you would have no problem getting up and working long hours every day. Now, I am not so sure anymore. And even if it is true, what if you never find your passion? Or what if your passion is waking up every day at 12 pm, sitting in front of the television all day long and then partying till the sun comes up?

I guess there’s no way of finding out other than just taking the job and trying to have the best attitude towards it. Because unfortunately, being a couch potato and keeping tabs on TV series doesn’t pay the rent, and as much as I would love to have a job with super flexible schedules that allowed me to wake up at 10 am every day, they are practically nonexistent. Plus, while I graduate and specialize in the area I love and get my pick from amazing jobs that pay well and (hopefully) don’t involve a lot of hard work, I have to take what I can. Meaning low pay, long hours, and suck-y tasks. It’s such a great joy being a student, isn’t it?

TV

I know you probably spent a good chunk of your childhood and adolescence being told by most authority figures that TV=Satan, that 'scientific studies' proved it significantly reduced your intelligence, that it promotes violent and promiscuous behaviour...bla, bla bla. Truth be told, many valuable lessons have been handed to me through TV. For real. So don't tell me all my long hours sitting in front of that magical box have been in vain, OK?!

Last week, I watched the season finale of Gossip Girl, my favorite TV series of all times. And the most deliciously-evil character ever, Chuck Bass, pronounced these words: 'there's a difference between a great love and the right love.' Don't know if any of you lovely readers are GG fans, but the backstory to this phrase is that Blair is about to marry this prince, and Chuck tries to stop her. After a series of events, she ends up caving, and decides to dump Louis (her prince) for Chuck:

Blair: “I should find Louis and tell him it’s over.”
Chuck: “If that’s what you want.”
Blair: “It’s the right thing to do.”
Chuck: “You really love him, don’t you?”
Blair: “Yes, but not like I love you. Louis and I, it’s different. It’s lighter. More simple. He makes me happy.”
Chuck: “And I don’t.”
Blair: “What we have is a great love. It’s complicated. Intense. All-consuming. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it’ll always pull us in. What’s mere happiness in the face of all that? Right?”

At this point, I was confused. I must admit I was one of the hoards of Blair/Chuck shipppers, waiting all season and begging for divine intervention to get these two together at last. But after these words, I wasn't so sure. I mean sure, we all want great love (especially cheesy, into-1950's romance like me), but shouldn't we take a page out of Juliet's book and learn that many times, with great love comes not happiness but tragedy? The next scene seemed to confirm my thoughts exactly: just when Blair is about to tell Louis they are through, Chuck cuts her off and instead congratulates Louis for their engagement, telling him he is truly happy for the two of them. And when Blair demands an explanation, he simply says:

Chuck: “There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State building last year after 2 minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it because you’ve never had it, and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale.”

Chuck: “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not powerful. You’re the most powerful woman I know.”
Blair: “It’s taking all the power I have to walk away from you.”
Chuck: “I know. But I need to let you go. You need to let go.”
Blair: “I will always love you.”
Chuck: “I will always love you.”

Woah. Talk about a 360° turn. After staring at my screen in confusion, I finally managed to wrap my head around the main idea, and as always, found a way to relate this all to my own life. Because you all know I simply love to find ways to relate completely unrelated stuff to what is going on with me. Leaving aside the whole cheesy-ness of the general idea and the fact that there's a prince (an actual Prince William-like figure) involved which should make it all beyond the unrealistic limits, I think it's true. We all tend to imagine that the great things in our life are worth keeping, doesn't matter if they are complicated, rollercoaster-like and make us suffer. Actually, we think it's normal to suffer intense pain, we think that the more suffering is required, the grander the whole thing is. This idea doesn't just aply to love, it can be extended to any area you like.

So, is this really so? Should we hang on to the complicated, to the painful, to the intense, to the hardships, just because it will make out story so much more grand and tragic? Should we ditch what makes us happy, because it's too simple, too easy? Yeah, I don't think so. We only get one shot at this people, why should we make our life even more complicated than it already is? We were sold this shitty story that amazing love is only the Rome & Juliet kind, that great success comes only from all work and no play, and that life is just all about pain. I say it's not. I say we can all the enjoy the simple, the uncomplicated, whatever makes us truly happy, without destroying you. Do like Chuck, and try to focus on what brings out the light in you and in the people around you, not the dark.

/rant

fearless

Change is good, I suppose. Up until now, I've always sort of resented change, thinking it was destiny's whimsical way of screwing up with my life just when I had finally learned to deal with the latest thing thrown straight at my face. But apparently, change can be good too. Many things are changing in my life right now, and it has all been pretty fab. I have FINALLY landed a job (an actual job, not the enslavement I did in the past with all work and no pay), I'm moving in to my own apartment (yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is MY apartment, since I'm paying for a third of the rent) and cute men just keep popping out of nowhere. So yeah, life's good. Maybe that's why I have had such a long writer's block, I have nothing to rant about. I really need to become a better writer, one that can write the same funny posts even when she's not nearly blacking out with rage or about to slit her wrists from depression. I'll attempt to whip out some extra-hilarious posts this summer, pinky promise!!!

funny...

1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6 billion people and....

I'M STILL SINGLE.

something old, something new...

Happy New Year everyone!!

It's been some eventful twelve months, wouldn't you agree? 2010 was certainly nothing like I expected, or wished for during the twelve chimes of January 1^st at that, but looking back, it's been one hell of a ride. Last New Year's I was still struggling with my effin stubborn feelings for a certain guy, school had taken a turn for the worst and I felt empty, incomplete, even a little depressed for the first time in my life. To be honest, the only reason I was looking forward to a new year was just so I could leave all those crappy moments behind. Looking back through my old posts, most of them are either me ranting angrily or being all whiny and depressed. I can't say it was the worst year ever, but if I made a ranking, 2009 would definitely be in the top 5. So with that precedent, I had nothing left but hope that 2010 would bring something better. And you know what? It really did.

It started off a bit shaky, but as the monhts went by 2010 really brought it home. I managed to pull my grades up during the last semester of the year, and I proved to myself I had what it took to do the impossible task: straight A's in college. I also managed another seemingly impossible task: convince my stubborn heart that being in love with a gay guy would never bring something good. I can now say I have no romantic feelings for Suerp Boy anymore, and I proved that to myself by going out on more dates than ever before. Sure, I still haven't found a guy good enough to let him stick around, but I'm no longer on the endless quest to prove to the world (and myself) I'm not going to end up as an old spinster with twenty cats just waiting around for me to die so they can eat my corpse. I also managed to land a nice social service, that while proved I am no good anywhere near companies or something remotely similar, at least provided me with a chance to do something I've never done. And it may connect me with a job in the future, but I'll get back to you on that one. I am also pretty sure 2010 was the year I went out dancing and hung out with friends more than ever in my life, which is great considering I also managed to do well in school, so does that mean I have finally found the balance between work and play? Well, I hope my subconscious took note because I have no idea how I did it.

The only crappy aspect in my life was back home, but hey, that's always been crappy so that wasn't a shocker. I can safely say almost all areas of my life kicked ass this passing year, which is way more than I expected. It feels nice, looking back and remembering all these awesome things, to the point where I kind of want to go back in time and relive them. But then I think about the even awesomer things 2011 will bring, and then I'm beside myself with anticipation. Who knows, maybe this year I can materialize all my dreams, land a decent job, find a decent guy and begin mentally preparing myself for graduation, and well, you know, the real world. So this is it for the emotional rant, and while I can assure you ladies the awkward time that make up my life and somehow end up being so entertaining in writing will not end (because really, fate just loves whacking me in the face every now and then), I think I'm greeting the new year with a whole new me, a much more confident, unattached, mature Christina.

And I think things are just about to kickstart. :)

fiat justitia, el pereat mundus

"Let justice be done, though the world perish"

- Ferdinand I

I first heard this phrase, coined by Ferdinand I, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Hungary and Bohemia around 1558, about a month ago, in my Contemporary Mexican Politics class, when we were discussing the pros and cons of two extremes: allowing justice to shine through no matter the consequences, or being more pragmatic when applying justice to allow more flexibility according to the circumstances. Some people believed justice couldn't be applied with freedom, that the principle should remain the same no matter the case. Others thought the circumstances were important, and sometimes you couldn't be just without negative consequences. I think this debate could be translated to the recent Wikileaks debacle. The man behind the whole ordeal, Julian Assange, is considered by some like the savior of truth, like the only man that had the guts to face the West (and more specifically, the United States) and expose their dirty little secrets. Others, and I must include myself in this last category, think of him as an arrogant megalomaniac, with delusional fantasies of fame and grandeur, and that the last thing on his mind was exposing the truth for truth itself. But what most people can agree on is that there will now be a before and after Wikileaks in diplomacy and international relations. The question is, can we say exposing the truth of what goes on in embassies around the world for all societies to see was worth ripping the thin veil of trust and security that surrounded diplomacy? Will this exposure bring forth a whirlwind of consequences unforeseen by the people that leaked the information? What will happen to the sources cited in the documents, diplomats and government workers that now have to face public punishment for giving their opinion?

Wikileaks is considered the largest leak of confidencial information in history. Over 250,000 documents, considered classified information and thus kept away from prying eyes, were exposed, creating a hurricane of opinions, criticism and praise not only on the information that was revealed, but on the promotor of all this chaos, Assange. He claims that the truth should be revealed, at any cost, and that the government of the United States (and all governments, at that) did wrong in hiding the mechanics of their foreign politics. He also states that his intentions were only to reveal the truth, with no hidden agenda but to be a dutiful messenger of society. Right. All the press, power and fame that came with these revelations were just a side dish in the whole process, not the main course. Now, with the accusations of sex crimes against him in Sweden, he's become something of a martyr, condemned by the big bad U.S. for being a good samaritan. Not only has he not undergone a trial, but he's been accused of the same felonies before, so why are there so many people rushing in his defense, crying for his release? If he's innocent, then let the law prove it. But reaching the conclusion that this is all just an act on behalf of the government of the United States to lock him up, as punishment for leaking their information, is too premature. Releasing him would not only feed his already overly-inflated ego, but would take a stab at the heart of our carefully-built judiciary system, an important pilar in modern democracy. Let him have his trail, let him present all the evidence, and then decide whether he is guilty or not.

Leaving my digression on Assange aside for a moment, let's return to the main topic and the most pressing question in all this mess: was this the right thing to do? Do we really need, like Ferdinand I thought, to let justice be done even though it makes the world disappear? Wikileaks claims people need to know the truth, no matter what. But I wonder, what the consequences of this grand charade will be. Sure, I guess we all became better citizens, much more informed than before, but does this leak pose a threat to the cited sources, to the diplomatic processes the United States was completing and will now probably fall apart, to the countries that have been exposed as hypocrites? No one really knows to what extent the consequences of the exposure will affect diplomatic relations, or will fuel conflict between countries (especially in the Middle East), or even affect economic interests.Sure, I'm all for information being available to those who seek it, but where do you draw the line? Between what every citizen should and shouldn't know? Do we allow our governments to decide for us, like they have been doing all this time, let them decide which information can be made public and which is too vital for the country's interests? Or do we support people like Assange, that expose the truth no matter the consequences or who perishes in the process?

A wise man told me a few weeks ago that the line certainly needs to be drawn, ultimately hiding information that is part of a larger process that must be completed, but everything else should be available for the world to see. Only expose what isn't part of a bigger picture, if you will. Point is, who decides what the bigger picture consists of? Who can be trusted with the enormous responsability of deciding that certain information is a part of a longer process and thus cannot be revealed at the moment?

So we're left with choosing between risking having a dictator and submitting to his judgement what we can and cannot know, and allowing people like Assange to infiltrate and publish secrets he/she deems worth of knowing. Tough call.

dear hair

love

thoughts

R: I was wrong. I shouldn't try to control you. I've just, I've never been this happy before and I realize that I was trying to hold on to how you were making me feel so much that I was strangling you in my hands like a little bird. I get now that in order for this relationship to work, I have to open up my hands and let you fly free.

-Glee