really great things happen in the blink of an eye

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
This love is difficult, but it's real

- Love Story, Taylor Swift


It's funny, I've started to notice a recurring pattern in my life. Most of the really amazing (and really awful) things that have happened lately, have appeared out of the blue, with a bang. I had no time whatsoever to prepare for the event, and while that has made me much stronger and less propense to go crazy over the unexpected, like in the past, I still believe a little warning about what is going to happen would be great. By this point, you all know all the bad stuff that has happened between Super Boy and I, and you probably know more about his flaws and mistakes more than he does. Yet, I have failed to mention all the amazing things he has brought to my life, and as I mentioned in the previous post, I think that's not fair.

Last Tuesday (not this week, the past one) Drunk n' Rowdy and another of Super Boy's close friends whom we'll refer to as the Philosopher came over, and that usually implies music, alcohol and lots of late night fun. Anyway, we were talking and laughing at the dinner table, everyone but me was drinking (no, I'm not kidding, it was a tuesday! I'm not that insane) and we were all having a good time, when Godzilla appeared. Godzilla is the man that owns the place where I live, and if the nickname he has tells you nothing, let me tell you he has quite the temper. He told us he was sick with the flu, and that he wanted to sleep that night. Translation: 'fuck off damn kids, no more music. party's over.' We had all resigned and started cleaning up, when Drunk n' Rowdy offered his place to continue the party. He lives really close by, and no one would bother us about the noise level. So we all headed over to his house, and on the way met up with three of his friends, two of which were really weird but one was a pretty nice guy. As time passed, people started getting drunk, and of course that included Super Boy. Don't ask me exactly how it started, or when, but the thing is by the time I noticed he had his arms around me and he was kissing my cheek, and we somehow ended up making out that night. DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS JUST YET. It was different though, with everything that had happened, I had reached a point where I no longer attached any specific feelings or 'could be' to those things, and so the next day I wasn't feeling particularly ansy or hopeful about what had happened.

Anyhoo, on Friday, Super Boy told me la Gioconda wanted to go out that night, since her mom had had surgery the previous day and she wanted to unwind. The plan was that Super Boy, la Gioconda, the Philosopher, Miss A.A. and I would all go to the Joker's apartment, and then see if we stayed there or went to a club. But as the clock ticked people started canceling, and by the time we left the house, it was only Super Boy and I. Once we reached the Joker's apartment, Fanny Mae, his girlfriend, and Therapy Guy, his BFF, were already there. We decided to go to a nearby club called XIVA, and once we were waiting for everyone to pay and walk inside, Super Boy turns to me and says 'once we are settled at a table, could I talk to you for five minutes?' And I was like 'wtf? I wonder what he wants to say.' Honestly, I couldn't even begin to imagine what he wanted to talk about, and of course my imagination ran wild with all sorts of possible scenarios. So, once we were settled at a table and started dancing, I assumed Super Boy would say something. But all we talked about was random nonsense, and I began to wonder if he had forgotten (since he has the memory of a fish). So I asked him about the subject, and he simply laughed and said he was still thinking about it. That threw me off even more. I mean, what was so serious that he had to think about it so thoroughly?

Later in the night, when I had completely forgotten about the topic and I was dancing like a crazy person, he turned to me with his serious face and I knew it was time. He pulled me aside and said 'I've been thinking and thinking the whole thing over, and I think I've reached a conclusion. What happened last Tuesday at Drunk n' Rowdy's tells me there is still something here. I still have feelings for you, and I think the best would be to give this another shot. Give me another chance. You know me, and you know I can't promise I won't fell suffocated again in four months, but I really think this is worth a shot. Of course, we have to work to improve things because we both know in the past we took wrong decisions and things took a turn for the worst, but this time it can be different. We just have to make an effort, because the whole point is to grow, both of us. I need this, I think this is the best for me, but now I need you to think on what's the best for you. Whether you decide to get back together with me, or to leave things like they are, it's fine with me. Take all the time you need, don't answer right away, don't answer tomorrow. Focus first on all the important things you have to do this week, and then we can talk about it. What do you think?'

I bet you can all imagine exactly how I was feeling. I mean, to say I was shocked would be to state the obvious. He had thrown a cruve ball at me, and I was too stunned to speak. Never ever would I have imagined that speech. I know him well, and I know his decisions are keepers. It's really rare when he changes his mind, and so when he said 'there's no turning back,' I truly believed it was all over, for good. After a few minutes of shocked silence, I finally regained enough control of myself to nod and tell him I would think about it. Of course, the next couple of days were a haze. I have no idea how I could sum up enough brain activity to focus on my history essay. My mind was constantly wandering off, and I kept reliving the whole thing in my mind. I talked to a couple of friends about it, to my mom, and by Sunday the decision was clear. I mean, I think the decision was clear since the moment he spoke, but I still had to give it some thought. There was a huge risk, yes, and I knew the stakes were high. Probability dictates that I will most likely end up hurt again. And still, I cannot say no. Like Amazing Girlfriend told me: 'If you say no, will you spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been?' She's completely right. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's uncertainty. I don't think I could live with the doubt of what would have happened if I had given us the chance.

So, that's how I finally concluded I wanted him back. We haven't really spoken about the subject again, since I've been up and down like a crazy person this week, but I think the subject will come up during the weekend, once we're both activity-free. I know many of you are probably reading this and shaking your head at me, going all 'oh cristina, here you go again you silly girl.' All I can say is: don't hate me, I just have to give this one more chance. If I end up hurt, it will be entirely my fault. But what if something great comes out from all of this? I just have to know.