"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
Sunday, June 27, 2010
and as i go i sing here we go again!
A year's gone by in a blink, and all of a sudden I'm this twenty two year old with nothing but big dreams and a few leassons learnt, in her pocket. It's been yet another year full of adventures, some heart clenching and some smile worthy, full of laughs and tears and lots of new experiences that have made me confront myself over and over, to see the things that I don't want to see about me and work on my flaws. It's funny, going back to my last birthday and realizing I'm such a different person now, because while some new defects have popped up, I've also matured quite a bit. You see, around this time last year, I was still this scared little girl, still hung up on a guy that no longer returned her feelings, thinking she didn't have a friend in the world, and feeling like a complete trainwreck. A rather daunting picture, if you ask me about it.
Last Friday I just spent the best birthday of my life, not only because I had the time of my life, but because I learned so much about myself, some good things and others not so good. I learned I haven't been such a horrible person after all, and that I've collected a nice group of good friends, that despite the odds popped in to say congratulations, even if it was just a simple message on facebook (which now that I think of it, is the best thing since sliced bread). I also learned that no matter how much time has passed by, people still want to hang out, so I must have done something right, no? I learned that the best surprises come from friends with big imaginations, that can make you tear up with their thoughtful presents. I was also forced to confront the fact that I can become an incredibly possessive, crazy-jealous biotch that demands all eyes on her and goes coco for coco puffs when someone even hints at the fact that there is someone better looking in the room. It took a few comments, acid stares and even a friend's hurt feelings to notice my competitive spirit has taken me so far as to shut out everyone else when I'm around a certain person and act like goddamn Cleopatra.
All in all, I wouldn't have changed a single thing of what's happened, and while I had a ball this past year, I cannot wait to see what year 22 brings to my life. I've got new plans, a new attitude, and hopes that are sky-high. It's time for a bit of a readjustment, time to throw out the old and bring in the new, time to drop my childish behavior and start acting a bit more age-appropiate, time to drop the walls I've put up in so many areas of my life, time for an improved me. Something tells me this year is going to be quite the rollercoaster.
Last Friday I just spent the best birthday of my life, not only because I had the time of my life, but because I learned so much about myself, some good things and others not so good. I learned I haven't been such a horrible person after all, and that I've collected a nice group of good friends, that despite the odds popped in to say congratulations, even if it was just a simple message on facebook (which now that I think of it, is the best thing since sliced bread). I also learned that no matter how much time has passed by, people still want to hang out, so I must have done something right, no? I learned that the best surprises come from friends with big imaginations, that can make you tear up with their thoughtful presents. I was also forced to confront the fact that I can become an incredibly possessive, crazy-jealous biotch that demands all eyes on her and goes coco for coco puffs when someone even hints at the fact that there is someone better looking in the room. It took a few comments, acid stares and even a friend's hurt feelings to notice my competitive spirit has taken me so far as to shut out everyone else when I'm around a certain person and act like goddamn Cleopatra.
All in all, I wouldn't have changed a single thing of what's happened, and while I had a ball this past year, I cannot wait to see what year 22 brings to my life. I've got new plans, a new attitude, and hopes that are sky-high. It's time for a bit of a readjustment, time to throw out the old and bring in the new, time to drop my childish behavior and start acting a bit more age-appropiate, time to drop the walls I've put up in so many areas of my life, time for an improved me. Something tells me this year is going to be quite the rollercoaster.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
randomness
I don't want to be this girl.
I want to be the girl that uplaods funny pictures of herself and her boyfriend to facebook. I want to be the girl that runs into familiar faces when she's out, that is always taking calls and texts from friends, asking to meet up. I want to be the girl that lands the job of her dreams. Or any job, at that. I want to be the girl that doesn't wish she could be anywhere but home, that actually likes spending every single day with her parents.
I don't want to be the girl that resents people for not calling her. I don't want to be the girl that wishes she were some heroine off the pages of a book, instead of herself. I don't want to be the girl that feels like everyone else has gone off and gotten a life of their own, except her. I don't want to be the girl that watches reruns all day in bed, stuffing her face and pretending everything is ok, when she should be having the best summer of her life. I don't want to be the girl that isn't even looking forward to her birthday, because everyone seems to be taking so little interest, including herself.
No, I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be that girl at all.
