bad day

I was sitting in my office, staring sullenly at my computer screen, with 20 unread emails and a dozen “to do’s” marked urgent. Around me, people were chatting amiably, going about their daily tasks with a smile on their face and even a couple of jokes to toss around. As I looked in disbelief, people were actually enjoying their work, even if it meant calling some snobby receptionist to get an appointment or answering dozens of complain mails. I, on the other hand, procrastinated for at least half an hour before finally (begrudgingly) getting to the task at hand. The shiny new Blackberry in my purse provides much yearned-for distractions that relieve, at least partly, the boredom that invades me practically the six hours I sit in my desk. On certain days, my inner Grinch comes out way more often than usual, every little thing bothers me beyond belief, and I simply count the minutes till I can get the hell out of here. That’s when I think to myself ‘am I the one who’s wrong? Is it just me that has really bad office days, seeing as how everyone else seems to be thoroughly enjoying what they do?’ Lately I’ve tried to excuse my behavior by saying that my job isn’t right for me, that it’s completely different from what I plan to do with my life and that, unlike the rest of my coworkers, I don’t have one creative fiber in my body, so I usually feel out-of-place and strange.

But the reality is, they are nothing more than lame excuses for not doing what I’m supposed to do, regardless of whether I like it or not. They are paying me (and a lot more than many interns I know) and I have to suck it up and be a man. Or woman. Until I land a job that’s more career-oriented, that I can actually enjoy, I face the same old boring job day after day. And then, I start wondering, is my attitude solely because what I do has become tedious due to the fact that it has nothing to do with what I’m studying, or am I simply one of those mediocre people that are never happy, no matter what job they get, and thus use it as an excuse to do nothing? If I do get the job I am pursuing (cross your fingers and toes for me, people!) will I step up and give my 100% every single day, will I actually enjoy what I’m doing after the thrill of the unknown wears off? Is it possible to ever really enjoy a job, knowing you will be doing the same crap every single day, sitting at the same office, with the same people, with no other rest than the crappy two-day weekend that goes by in a flash? I used to think that once you found your passion, you would have no problem getting up and working long hours every day. Now, I am not so sure anymore. And even if it is true, what if you never find your passion? Or what if your passion is waking up every day at 12 pm, sitting in front of the television all day long and then partying till the sun comes up?

I guess there’s no way of finding out other than just taking the job and trying to have the best attitude towards it. Because unfortunately, being a couch potato and keeping tabs on TV series doesn’t pay the rent, and as much as I would love to have a job with super flexible schedules that allowed me to wake up at 10 am every day, they are practically nonexistent. Plus, while I graduate and specialize in the area I love and get my pick from amazing jobs that pay well and (hopefully) don’t involve a lot of hard work, I have to take what I can. Meaning low pay, long hours, and suck-y tasks. It’s such a great joy being a student, isn’t it?