some days

There are some days when I wake up feeling like I'm at the top of the world. Like I'm the smartest, most beautiful girl alive, and that I can do anything. Those days I look in the mirror and I see a sparkle in my eyes, a big smile on my face, and I just know it's going to be a good day. Work goes by incredibly fast, and anything the Minister wants me to do I can do, quickly and effectivly. It doesn't matter what classes I have that day, they all seem easy and interesting. I don't feel bad when walking by any one of the tons of thin, gorgeous, perfectly well dressed girls at the halls, and even if references are thrown about a certain curly haired girl that apparently does everything better than me (we'll call her Gioconda, a silly joke between Amazing Girlfriend and I that concerns Facebook, a really bad picture, and boredom), I'm not phazed in the least.

Then there are other days when I can barely drag myself from bed, and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that lasts all day. Those days I look in the mirror and grimace, for I don't like what the girl staring back at me looks like. Her hair refuses to cooperate, there are bags under her eyes, concealer won't disguise the multiple imperfections on her skin and every single piece of clothing she owns looks terrible. Those are the days when I forget to take notes at meetings, and so have to rely on my memory to write the meeting brief, when even all my internet searching skills can't help me find a certain document or book my boss wants and I curse all the google people. Days when I'm seconds away from falling asleep in class, and even my history lesson (my favorite) seems dull and endless. Days when I feel like crawling into a corner and crying whenever a beautiful blonde walks by, looking like she just stepped off the pages of Vogue. Days when my heart breaks everytime Dewey is brought up in the conversation (and trust me, it happens often), and the only person I care about goes on and on about how marvelous she is and just how good she is at everything. Days when I feel like I'm not good enough, and never will be. That I'm at the wrong school, the wrong career, that my dreams are mediocre and that I'm going to wind up fetching coffee for someone that studied at Colmex.

Those days every single thing that is said to me, joke or not, hurts me deeply, and I'm extremely sensitive. Those days I have to constantly bite the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from crying, and those days it seems like he can tell exactly what is on my mind, and pushes me away just for the fun of it. Those days where everything seems to go wrong, and the one person that can comfort me isn't around.

Today is one of those days.